Alternate DBZ
by MistyxKisame
Summary: Based in the saiyan saga.My version of what happened.If you have a problem with it,PM me.OOC Goku in a way.Lots of yaoi or something like that...has mpreg later on.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: What should have happened at the start of DBZ. GOKU IS MAJOR OOC IN THIS STORY. BTW I like all of the characters in DBZ and even though I will make fun of the characters, I really like them. This will go all the way to the end of the Saiyan saga. Let me know if should do something similar to this. Also involves references to TFS, ARDBZ, Family Guy, and South Park.

It was just a normal sunny bright day in DBZ when Chichi burst through the bedroom door and went over to her and her husband's bed and flung the bed spreads off of Goku.

"GOKU! GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND GO GET A JOB!" Chichi growled.

"Oh hi Chichi! What's for breakfast?" Goku smiled at his angry wife.

"IT'S THREE IN THE AFTERNOON. GET UP!"

"What? Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I did…YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE!"

"Oh my gosh! Oh you okay?"

"No I'm not! Sometimes I wonder why I married you…"

"Yeah…why did I marry you…?"

"WHAT?"

Ten minutes later, Goku got kicked out of the house. The whole week Goku was kicked out, Goku reviewed his life. Why was it always he that always had to save the day? Why didn't Chichi get a job herself? Why did he marry Chichi after knowing her for one day?

"I really need to rethink my life a bit…"

After returning to his house, he saw Chichi hanging up clothes. Chichi turned and frowned. "Well well well…look who finally showed up…did you get a job yet?"

"Did you get one?"

"EXCUSE ME?"

"Did you HEAR me?"

"Goku…"

"Chichi…"

"Stop that!"

"Stop that!" mimicked Goku.

"Hey daddy!" Gohan ran out with his books.

"Oh it's you…"

"Do you want to go fishing?"

"Do I look like I want to go fishing with a loser?"

"GOKU! HE IS YOUR SON!"

"Fuck you Chichi. Gohan get your raggedy ass in the house and go make me a pie."

"THAT'S IT!" Chichi pulled out her witch frying pan of doom and tried to hit Goku with, but instead of taking the hit, Goku punched Chichi in the face. He then turned to Gohan. "Change of plans, Gohan. Get your hat and hop on my nimbus (or whatever the Japanese name for it is)."

After putting up his books and grabbing his hat, Gohan hopped on his dad's nimbus (Note: Even though nimbus only supports good hearted people, it doesn't have to in this story) and flew off towards Master Roshi's house.

"What's up!" Goku hopped off of his nimbus with his son.

Bulma, Krillin, the turtle, and Master Roshi came out of the house. "Hey Goku!"

"Long time, no see Goku!" said Master Roshi.

"Who the kid?" asked Bulma.

"Did you start babysitting, Goku?" aske Krillin.

"No, Krillin." Goku rolled his eyes. "This is my kid, Gohan."

"WHAT? THAT'S YOUR KID?" they all gasped.

"NO! This is my girlfriend Lola…HELL YEAH THIS IS MY SON YOU DINGLE LINGS!"

"Wow…" said Bulma still staring at the mini Goku.

"Well don't get mad Goku…but we didn't think you would…well you know…"

"Well at least I got some…" Goku started to look like Turles for a minute. "You guys are assholes."

"Wow. What's with the language Goku?" the turtle hermit stared at his former student in shock.

"What's with you being ugly?"

Suddenly Goku turned and gasped. Everyone looked concerned at Goku.

"What's wrong Goku?" asked Bulma.

"That power level…it's…it's…higher than Krillin's losing streak*!"

"Hey! I don't lose that much! If anything, Master Roshi loses more than me!"

"Not really…" Goku snapped. "Now shut up, bitch."

"You little…"

Suddenly Raditz landed, surprising everybody. Even the turtle, doesn't really have any lines in this series but does in DB (Maybe), gasped.

"Hello…Kakarrot…"

"And just who are you handsome?" asked Goku.

"What?"

"You heard me. Who are you handsome?" Goku smirked.

"Are you coming on to me?"

"I don't know…am I?" Goku said rubbing up against his brother.

"Goku get away from him!" Bulma commanded.

"Why?" Goku snuggled up against his brother.

"BECAUSE HE'S EVIL!"

"HOW DO YOU KNOW?"

"BECAUSE HE'S UGLY! UGLY PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS UGLY!"

"Don't you mean evil?" said Krillin.

"That too."

"YOU'RE UGLY AND YOU'RE A SLUT…" Goku turned to Raditz. "Are you a slut?"

"_Hell yeah he is!"_

"Who is that?" Goku took off Raditz's scouter. "Hello?"

"_I think he heard you Veggie…"_

"_No DUH Nappa…AND DON'T CALL ME VEGGIE…"_

"Wow… YOUR VOICE SOUNDS GAY!"

"_WHAT DID YOU SAY?" _(Vegeta)

"_He said your voice sounds gay." _(Napa)

"_WHAT?" _(Vegeta)

"He said your voice sounds gay." said Bulma.

"_WHAT?"_

"Your voice sounds gay." said the turtle.

"_WHAT?"_

"YOUR VOICE SOUNDS GAY!" everyone shouted.

"_WHAT?"_

"ARE YOU DEAF?" Goku yelled into the scouter.

"_If he wasn't before he is now." _(Napa)

"Give me that!" Raditz snatched it back. "As I was trying to say was I'm your older brother and…you know what…fuck it…"

"OK!" Goku bent over and pulled down his pants and slapped his ass. "Pop that cherry bitch."

"What the…" Raditz turned to Goku's friends and son. "Is he ok?"

"I don't know…he may be stupid but he's normally not this stupid…" said Bulma.

"Let me guess…he was dropped on the head as a baby wasn't he?"

"Yep." answered Roshi.

"He never was a fit parent…well that's what mommy says." said Gohan.

"What are you supposed to be?" asked Raditz now looking at his nephew.

"I'm Gohan!" Gohan said cheerfully, then he turned serious. "Please take me with you."

"Uh…ok…" Raditz grabbed Gohan. "Well I'll be going now…"

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?" Bulma said bravely.

"Back to the ship and I'm taking my nephew with me."

"What are you idiots waiting for?" Bulma yelled at Krillin and Roshi. "Stop him!"

"No way! Why don't YOU stop him?"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I'D GET SLAUGHTERED!"

"WELL DON'T YOU THINK WE'D GET SLAUGHTERED TOO?" put in Muten Roshi (Master Roshi).

Seeing that the others were far too weak and too busy arguing with each other to stop him, he just left.

"Wait…aren't we going to take daddy to?" asked Gohan.

"No offense, kid, but your dad might be gay. And he may or may not try to rape you in the near, but distant, future." Raditz sighed. "Just like my father…"

"Huh?" Gohan looked up at his uncle.

"Uh nothing. Ignore everything I just said."

"But you could talk about it…"

"No…"

"But it could help…"

"Shut up and I'll give you some candy."

"YAY! Mommy never lets me and daddy have any candy!"

"Now stay in here." Raditz dropped his nephew into the pod. "If Kakarrot wants to join us, he'll find us."

"Then what?"

"We'll lay waste to this planet."

"What? Why?" asked Gohan panicked. "My mom may be a bitch and my grandpa may smell like a sweaty ox, but I don't want them to die!"

"Fine! I'll throw in a cookie."

"I never really liked Earth anyways." Gohan shut the pod door.

* * *

What will happen next? Will Gohan ever get his candy? Will Goku win the heart of his brother? Will Bulma ever stop thinking she's the only hot character? And did Goku ever pull up his pants? All of these questions and more will be answered in the next episode of DBZ! Btw if you don't like this story, leave now. Next chapter coming soon.

*TFS reference


	2. Chapter 2

"Um…Goku…" Bulma watched as her friend was still waiting for his brother to "pop his cherry".

"Hm?" Goku looked up as best he could.

"Raditz is gone and he took your son."

"WHAT! NO! HE'S MINE! I'M GONNA GO KICK HIS ASS!" Goku stood up.

"You won't be able to do it alone…" it was Piccolo!

"Oh it's you! What's up?"

"The sky…now listen here Son, you won't be able to fight this villain alone, and so I am willing to help just this once."

"Is Oolong flying?" Goku looked around for any flying pigs.

"Why do you want to help?" asked Roshi suspicious.

"Let's just say I have some business with him and besides…if anyone's going to kill Son and rule this planet it's going to be me."

"Ok!"

"Wait Goku are you serious?" asked Bulma.

"No Bulma I'm not…OF COURSE I AM YOU IDIOT! Give me the dragon radar." said Goku.

"Oh yeah sure." Bulma tossed it to him.

"I said GIVE IT TO ME NOT THROW IT! UGH! Never mind, let's go Pickles!"

"It's Piccolo."

"What-EVER."

"Fat ass…fat ass…you fat asses…all of you are fat asses…" Raditz was looking in a pond and saying this. Why was he saying this you ask? Because he's weird like that of course. Suddenly his scouter started beeping like crazy. "Dang it! Who could that be at this time of…Kakarot and that green thing…of course…"

Raditz flew back to the space pod and opened it up to reveal his nephew in a mess of candy wrappers and cookie crumbs and chocolate balls…wait…what? Raditz moved a little closer. THAT WASN'T CHOCOLATE! Raditz smirked. He had a plan with that "chocolate".

"Hey Raditz!" Goku smiled greeting his brother.

"Heeeeey brother! Want some chocolate?" Raditz had some "chocolate" wrapped up in a napkin. Hopefully his stupid brother would take it and eat it.

"Oooooh!" Goku, as sure as rain, took it and shouted, "Taste the chocolate rainbow bitch!" ,and, surprise surprise, shoved into Piccolo's mouth, the latter of whom spat it out and shouted,

"UGH! WHAT WAS THAT DISGUSTING TASTE THAT PLAGUED MY MOUTH?"

"MY SON'S SHIT!"

"Wow…" Raditz didn't know his brother was so hardcore.

"Ok Raditz. Now let's skip to the talking part of the battle every battle has to have even though we could be fighting and not leave the audience in suspense. WHY DID YOU KIDNAP MY SON AND NOT ME? AM I TOO AWESOME FOR YOU? I CAN BE JUST AS LAME AS GOHAN! SEE? SEE?" Goku was playing with Piccolo's cape. "Lame! Please love me!"

"I only kidnapped him because you are a pathetic excuse for a saiyan…and he is too…but…AT LEAST HIS YOUNG MIND CAN ABORB THE SAIYAN WAYS."

"I can too!" Goku humping Raditz's leg. "See? Saiyan!"

"GET OFF OF ME!" Raditz flung his brother off of him. "Are we going to fight or what?"

"Now you're talking."

After battling Raditz, Goku ended up with Raditz's foot on his chest and Piccolo knocked out. Even though the situation was serious as serious could be, Goku thought Raditz was doing BDSM with him and so he just laid there.

"Any last words before you die?" asked Raditz smirked.

"Yes…let's commit incest lying naked under the moonlight while the tide rolls in with your dick in my mouth and I suck you gently while you moan my name…Goku…Goku…"

"Wait…what…?" Raditz blushed.

"Mmmm…baby only you know how to suck me so hard…"

"…" Raditz turned as red as a crimson rose.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!" everyone, including Piccolo, turned to see Gohan run towards Raditz and hit him in the middle of his armor, catching him off guard.

"Gohan!" Goku glared at his son.

"D-dad?" Goku looked up.

"GOHAN YOU JEALOUS FAGGOT! HE'S MY LOVER NOT YOURS AND I WAS GONNA DESCRIBE HOW HE WAS GONNA SCREAM MY NAME AS I RAMMED MY DI-" Goku yelled.

"SHUT UP!" Raditz knocked out his nephew and was about to attack Goku when he appeared behind him somehow.

"NOW I'M GONNA HELP YOU LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY!" before Goku could do his thing Piccolo did his special beam cannon and you know the hanger!

Cliff hanger!Tune in next  
time!


	3. Chapter 3

Goku wasn't really sure what had happened…all he knew was that he WAS about to take away Raditz's virginity but NOOOO! That horny green bastard Piccolo had got jealous and shouted something like "Poopy Lean Hammon!" or was that "Lucky Lean Cannon?"…well whatever it was, IT RUINED HIS BONER! Goku glared…well tried to anyways…at Piccolo. Suddenly Man-less slut, Master Horny, Baldy virgin, and one of the mutant ninja turtles showed up I mean Bulma, Master Roshi, Krillin, and Turtle showed up…

"Oh my gosh! What happened?" Bulma said stupidly as she got out of the plane thingy along with the others.

"Well gee…we got some tea, ate some crumpets, got married had three kids…WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK HAPPENED? I HAVE A HOLE IN MY CHEST FOR FUCKS SAKE! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU UGLY ASS…!"

"Could you…please shut up…" Raditz whimpered. Since he was dying, he wanted to die in a quiet setting.

"Raditz!" Goku smiled. "MY ONE TRUE LOVE!"

"What about Chichi?" asked Krillin.

"Haven't you read chapter 2? The gayest most erotic chapter yet?" everybody, minus Raditz, stared at him. "I didn't think so…"

"Wait…YOU'RE GAY?" Bulma gasped.

"ARE YOU AS STUPID AS YOU LOOK?!" Goku yelled and then he turned to Krillin. "TELL CHICHI I SAID FUCK HER!"

"I think I'm just gonna make my life go by faster and kill myself..." Raditz whined.

"WHAT? YOU'RE PREGNANT?" Goku gasped and started crying. "See what you did? Eh, Piccolo? You killed my baby! And it was going to be a baby boy because every time someone in a mpreg story is about to have a baby its ALWAYS A STUPID GIRL!"

"That's not even what he said…" said the turtle.

"FUCK YOU!" Goku yelled as he moved over towards Raditz and started rubbing Raditz's tummy. "Don't worry baby…daddy's here…"

"Gross…" Piccolo finished them off. "Good…now…" he then turned to the Idiot League. "Like it or not, I'm taking Goku's son…" with that Piccolo grabbed Gohan and took off.

"Um…what just happened?" asked Roshi.

"I don't know…but all I know is that Chichi isn't gonna be happy…" it got quiet after Turtle said this, everybody thought this over. "…NOT IT!"

"NOT IT!" said Bulma.

"NOT IT!" said Master Roshi.

"Aw man!" said Krillin.

Sorry chapter is so short. BTW this story wasn't to be meant incredibly gay like chapter two but whatever. A SLIGHT REPEAT OF CHAPTER 2 IN CHAPTER 4 AND CH 5. CH 4 will have: Princess Snake, her servants, King Kai and Bubbles. CH 5 will include the saiyans, King Kai, a brief scene of Princess Snake and her servants, Korin, and Yajirobe.


	4. Chapter 4: Princess Snake vs Goku

"Heaven…heaven…HFIL…Heaven…HFIL…HFIL…"

"Yo down here old man!" Goku yelled up at King Yamma.

"Goku you speak with respect to the man who decides if you go Heaven or HFIL…" snapped Kami to the fool from chapter one named Goku.

"I haven't seen anyone that red since when Edamame thought she could swallow a whole deer heart." Raditz said staring at the giant man demon thingy.

"Ha ha…very funny…" King Yamma rolled his eyes. "Now what can I do for you Kami."

"Well Goku needs to make his way to snake way to go train with King Kai…"

"Ok…" then King Yamma turned to Raditz. "What about Sonic the Hedge Hog?"

"Yeah what about me?" Raditz turned to the green man.

"Yeah…what about him?" Kami turned to Goku.

"He's coming with me!"

"Bwahahahaha!" Raditz laughed. "You're joking right?"

"No…HEY YAMMA!"

"IT'S KING YA-"

"SHUT UP!" everyone jumped at Goku's outburst. "Like I was saying…Yamma…Raditz was having a baby…I want it back…"

"You know about that?" Yamma looked surprised.

"SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' MOUTH!" Raditz hissed.

"I mean come on…you two barely know each other…"

"I said shut up…" Raditz had somehow got a hold of Yamma's beard and his face was at the level of his. "Do you tell him squat!"

"Don't worry…we'll make another…" Goku whispered in Raditz's ear.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Raditz let go of Yamma's beard.

"NEVER!"

"GET OUT OF MY OFFICE NOW!" yelled King Yamma.

"Okie dokie! Come on lover…" Goku skipped off with Raditz, who only followed because he didn't want to be embarrassed anymore.

"Okay here's snake way…don't fall off or you'll go straight to hell."

"Will we be able to get back out?" asked Goku staring down at the orange clouds below snake way.

"No." said Raditz blankly, thinking of his father. "YOU HEAR THAT DAD?! YOU AIN'T GETTING THIS ASS ANYTIME SOON!"

"What?" Goku and the assistant looked at Raditz.

"Uh…nothing…let's just go…"

"Well thanks! Come on Sonic!" Goku took off.

"My name isn't Sonic!" Raditz shouted after him.

After a while later(Three hours to be precise) Goku was hungry and tired while Raditz was anything but. Goku was even too tired to flirt with Raditz, so you know he was too tired then. Suddenly the two saiyans stumbled upon a huge mansion.

"OH! THIS LOOKS LIKE ON OF THOSE CHINESE RESTUARANTS! LET'S GO INSIDE!"

"No way…I don't trust that house…dad raped me in a place like this…"

"What…"

"Nothing…" Raditz then followed Goku inside.

"Oooooh hiiiiii!" one of Princess Snake's servants came out to greet the two men.

"Oooooh don't care!" Goku flipped her off. "I'm hungry. Feed me fool!"

"Why of course!" she then lead them in.

Meanwhile...

"Princess Snake...you have visitors!" said servant #3.

"Good...'bout time..." Princess Snake smiled slyly. "I'm gonna get a husband whether they wanna be my husband or not..."

Back to the sexy saiyans...

"Mmmm...chinese food!" Goku was eating his food at top speed. "Aren't you gonna eat your food Raditz?"

"Hell no. I hate women!" Raditz growled.

"Are you gay Mister?" asked servant #2.

"No...I'll have you know I just find women stupid and crazy so shut your face..."

"Oh don't mind him...he's just lost a baby..."

"He did? Oh my gosh!" all of the women flung themselves all over Raditz making him blush.

"Hey get off of him!" Goku then got into a huge bitch slapping fight with servants #3, 4, 7, and 10.

"Now now ladies!" it was Princess Snake. "We only have one man in the room and only 20 servants. We can share in some way..."

"HEY WHAT AM I? CHOPPED LIVER?!" Goku was angry.

"I wish...it smells better..." Princess Snake smirked. "You mad bro?"

"HELL YA I'M MAD!" Goku had started to throw a bowl of pilaf but then started to eat it.

"Pathetic...come on Sonic...let's have an orgy..."

"Wow...I don't know what that is...but it sounds yummy..." Raditz said retardedly.

'Hmm-Mmm' thought Princess Snake. 'I love'em stupid...'

3 hours later

"You know Sonic..."

"It's Raditz..." Raditz and Princess Snake (I'm just gonna call her PS for short) were getting massages in the spa room.

"Dat ass..." said PS staring at Raditz's ass.

"What?"

"Nothing" she blushed. "Soooooo...you wanna have sex?"

"What? No!" Raditz frowned. 'It was bad enough when Vegeta got me...last thing I need a person is girl getting me...'

"Virgin much?" she laughed and slapped his ass and then made a "Me gusta" face. "Dat ass!"

"I think I wanna go now..." Raditz grabbed his towel and was about to leave when PS grabbed him and glared at him.

"You ain't goin' nowhere!"

"GET YOUR HAND OFF MY MAN!" Goku had come in with servants #7 and 10 in each hand, choking them.

"Hehhehheh...bring it bitch..." she said calmly as she let her towel slip.

"You know lady...if people could see this on Earth, it would be rated M...BUT THIS MOTHER IS ABOVE THE CLOUDS! YOUR NASTY LOWER MIDDLE PROBABLY SMELLS LIKE NASTY SARDINES LIKE CHICHI'S! AS A MATTER OF FACT I CALL IT 'Little Fishy'! NOW EAT MY FISTS OF LOVER'S HELL!" Goku then pretended to punch PS but then took off with Raditz who got knocked out by PS's "lower middle" stank.

"Come on Raditz! Wake up honey!" Goku was on Snake Way and shaking his brother. "Maybe if I kiss him...?"

"I'm gonna slap a bitch!" PS was now a huge gray snake!

"Oh man!" Goku slung Raditz over his shoulder and flew off.

After being chased around for three minutes, Goku managed to get Princess Snake in a HUGE knot. Goku smirked.

"That's what what you get for being naughty!" Goku laughed. "Get it? Knoty? Naughty?"

"Booo!" said PS.

"Not funny bro..." signed Raditz.

"YOU'RE ALIVE! I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH!" Goku landed on the Path and kissed all over his older brother's neck and face.

"Damn bro...you need to brush your teeth. Your breath smells like cheese..."

"Sorry babe..." Goku grabbed his brother's hand. "Let's go see the wizard...the wonderful wizard of all!"

"What?" Raditz never got his answer because Goku skipped with him behind him. 'I wonder if I was adopted...'


	5. Chapter 5

Three days later, Goku and Raditz reached the end of Snake Way.

"Wow we're at the end..." Raditz looked around. "Now what?"

"Maybe we jump down!" Goku said cheerfully.

"You idiot! We don't jump down there! That's where..." before he could finish, Goku shoved Raditzinto the clouds and soon followed.

Raditz hit the ground with a hard "thud" and Goku's stank ass (JK) fell o top of him...HARD. The older saiyan shoved his brother off of him and looked around. It wasn't as horrible as he thought, but it did look boring.

"Thanks a look Kakarot...we're in hell and we can't get out!"

"Oh I'm sorry...I promise I'll get us out...OR MY NAME ISN'T SON GOKU!"

"It isn't!" Raditz shouted after his little brother as they took off.

Awhile later, Goku and Raditz saw a pair of demons. After flirting with Raditz by fluttering his eyelashes and not paying attention to Raditz's smart as hell plan, Raditz pushed the latter towards the demons.

"Huh? What do you want me to do?" Goku whined puttting on a puppy dog face.

"Go talk to them since YOU got us down here."

"Ok...baby..."

"WHY YOU LITTLE..."

"Not listening...lalalala!" Goku skipped towards the pair. "Heeeeeeeeey giiiiirrrrlfriiiiieeeends!"

"Oh god..." Raditz palmfaced.

"Are you gay?" asked Goz.

"O-M-G...You pathetic excuse for a bitch!" Goku slapped Mez.

"OW! But I didn't say any-"

Goku slapped Goz. "Shut up bitch!" Goku then started talking like a bitchy valley girl. "Listen bitches...let me and my girlfriend outta this hell hole or I'ma bring the roof down..."

"Why would we...?"

"Oh come on..." Goku was flirting now. "Can't you just let two pretty little girls pass through?"

"Uhhh..." Goz and Mez looked at each other. "Ohhh-kaaaay..."

"Thanks for letting us outta heeeeell!" Goku and Raditz were now where they were at the beginning of the chapter. "Oh and by the way...I THINK YOU GUYS ARE UGLY BITCHES!"

"WHY YOU LITTLE!" Mez had developed a tiny crush on Goku and took great offense to this.

"By losers!" Goku and Raditz flew away.

~AT KING KAI'S PLACE~

"Man this gravity is insane!" Goku saw that his brother was having no problem with it. "How can you stand up straight?"

"Vegeta's gravity is the same..." Raditz then saw a very small monkey.

"Ooooh! Look a monkey!" suddenly Goku was standing up straight.

"What happened to your...never mind..."

"He could be our son!"

"Huh?"

"Yeah! He could be recarnated into a small monkey!" Goku picked up the monkey. "Hiiiii soooon! You're so cute! Yes you are! Yes you are! I'm gonna name you Sonic junior!"

"Oh lord..."

"Hey! Who dares come on my yard messin' with my monkey again...!" King Kai suddenly saw Raditz and blushed. "Why hello there...what can I do for you...?"

"Ummm...nothing..." Raditz contunied to stare at his crazy brother.

"..." King Kai glared at Goku. 'Grrr how dare he steal my woman...'

"Hey aren't you King Kai?" Goku said smiling at King Kai.

"No...I'm your father..."

"Wow you're ugly dad..."

The kai then processed to palmface and then turned back to Raditz, blushing. "Sooooo...you come here often sexy?"

"What?"

'Of course she doesn't you idiot!' King Kai was sweating.

'Ew...gross...' Raditz scrunched up his face.

"Um...you wanna have sex?" King Kai suddenly covered up his mouth. "Did I just say that out loud?"

"Uh...yeah...you kinda did..."

King Kai and Raditz could only blush as there was nothing but a long silence minus Goku's shouts as he chased after Bubbles, who had escaped Goku's kisses and man handling roughness.


	6. Chapter 6

After the three hour awakardness, the short kai suggested they start training by offering that they capture Bubbles, which Raditz did with ease because of something about the gravity.

"Wow you're a natural, aren't you?" blushed King Kai. Raditz only grunted with annoyance.

"Ok!My turn!" Goku started to chase after Sonic Jr while Raditz just stood there looking cool while blushing King Kai slapped Raditz on the butt. The latter kicked King Kai in the balls and walked inside while the kai held his balls.

After three hours, Kai asked Goku to come to him. Goku whined that he wanted catch his son, but after seeing the dangerous look on the kai's face he came over.

"What's up?"

"It's about your um...lady friend..." King Kai blushed.

"What about Sonic?"

"I LOVE HER SO MUCH THAT IF YOU LAY SO MUCH AS ONE HAND ON HER I'LL KILL YOU!"

"WHAT?!"

"YOU HEARD ME!"

Suddenly a huge fight started up between the two. About one hour later, Raditz came out without any armor on causing the saiyan and kai to stop fighting because of their massive nosebleeds.

"Kakarot..."

"Uh...y-yes..."

"I want you..."

"R-really?"

"Yes...I want you to..." Goku's eyes sprakled with lust. "...take a bath. You really need one...I've already ran one for you so go jump in..."

"Ok..." King Kai burst out laughing as Goku went to go take a bath.

"Oh...and by the way...I'm a MAN..."

"WHAT?! NOOOO!" the kai then began running in circles until Bubbles tripped him.

"Good monkey..." 


	7. Chapter 7

Three months after training with King Kai, Goku and Raditz were stronger than before. The younger saiyan was stronger but only by half of what Raditz was because of the fact that the kai and Goku loved to stare at Raditz's butt and muscles. When ever they were caught staring, Raditz would either roll his eyes if he was training and punched them if he was minding his own business.

One day when the kai had suggested that they take the day off, Raditz just watched a caterpillar on the grass while Goku ate. King Kai then pulled Goku over and spoke to him.

"As you know Goku, I'm in love with Sonic."

"Yeah I know.

"So you're gonna let her sex me up right?"

Silence

"Go-" King Kai was punched in the face by Goku. "Why you little..."

King Kai punched Goku, the latter then bit him in the shin, then King Kai tried to punch him in the gut, but missed and punched RADITZ in the croch. Goku covered his mouth in shock while King Kai stood there in horror. Raditz whimpered in pain and, with the help of Bubbles and Gregory(who was asleep last chapter), went inside.

"Ooooooh...he's gonna kick your ass when he gets his breath back!" Goku said childishly.

"Oh shut up!" he snapped, slapping the saiyan across the face.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Chapters are short b/c I'm typing on my phone and I think I can only go up to 300 words, so sorry. 


	8. Chapter 8

Later on in the day,King Kai had prepared a special dinner and had even made some drinks.

"Aren't you gonna eat with us?"asked Goku. Kai shook his head and then hummed a tone while everyone else ate. Everyone started feeling sleepy,while Raditz was feeling drunk.

"You all look tired." King Kai smirked."You all better get to bed."

"Goodnight King Kai." everyone yawned as they left. Kai turned and saw that Raditz was laying on the floor with a goofy grin and light blush on his face.

*Heheh!The potion is working!Must take advatange of her before she comes to her senses or the others wake up.* He slowly approached him. "Hey Sonic..."

"Where...am I?" Raditz rubbed his eye.

"Come on to my room where I'll fuck your brains out..." after Raditz stared at him in fear, the other male palmfaced and just dragged Raditz out of the room. When he had gotten about 1 inch from his doorway, Kai was kicked in the jaw by none other then Goku. "Goku?! WTF?! You should be knocked out like Gregory and Bubbles!"

"Bitch please! I knew you were up to something when you didn't eat with us!So I poured out my drink and didn't eat!"

MEANWHILE...

"Weeeee!I can fly!"cried Oolong as he flew like Mary Poppins.

"I'm gonna fuck Sonic whether you like it or not!" Kai ran off with Raditz in tow and Goku chased after them for 5 hours. When the potion on Raditz wore off, he caught bits of the conversation.

"I'm gonna fuck her dry!"

"I'm gonna make love to her unlike when I banged Chichi's salty sardine..."

"What the fuck are you two fuckers agrueing about now?!" Raditz was cheesed off. Goku and Kai stared talking at once. "I meant one at a time you nuts.

Goku was blabbering about Kai trying to 'do the nasty' with him and Kai was saying that Goku was just trying to kiss him. Raditz just slapped them both.

* * *

"I can't believe you ass holes tried to rape me." Raditz was holding and playing with Bubbles, who he had taken a liking to(no puns intended).

"Well you weren't complaining, so it wasn't really rape." this comment earned a slap from Raditz. Goku sighed loudly as he poked the blue kai in the back.

"King Kai what are we training for?" Goku said bored.

"What!? You two have been training for 1yr and 3days and you don't even know what you're training for?!" King Kai growled in anger.

The two brothers looked at each other then turned back to King Kai. "Yep."

"Wait a second...OH MY GOSH! You have to go!" King Kai pushed Goku towards snake way.

"What about Sonic?" Goku watched as King Kai moved in front of Raditz.

"What sexy hot shemale?" Kai laughed nervously.

"For the last time...I AM A FUCKING BOY! ITS BAD ENOUGH THAT MY STUPID FATHER , MY MOTHER, AND THEN EVERYBODY ELSE THOUGHT I WAS A SHEMALE! LAST TIME I CHECKED I WAS 100% MALE! STREW YOU ALL!" Raditz flew off toward Snake Way.

"See what you did?!" Kai hit Goku in the gut. "Wait...she's a man?"

Raditz suddenly came out of nowhere and started to choke and slap King Kai. "I *slap* TOLD *SLAP* YOU *SLAP* I *SLAP* WAS *SLAP* A *SLAP* DAMN *SLAP* FUCKIN' *SLAP* SEXY *SLAP* MAN!" Raditz turned to Goku. "Kakarrot, let's go."

After giving Kai the old "How do you like them apples? Bet they taste bitter!" look, he skipped after his brother. Suddenly he realized something as he flew after his older brother. "Your name isn't Sonic!"

"About time you noticed."

"Your name is Pineapplehead!" Goku then recieved a violent punch in the gut from "Pineapplehead".


	9. Chapter 9

"How long do you think it'll take to reach the end of Snake Way...wait won't the beginning be the end?"

"I don't really care Kakarot. What happens when we get to that red troll?" Raditz asked. Goku palmfaced. He did NOT want to go back to Yamma. "Well whatever happens next, I just can't wait to get away from you."

"You don't really mean that, do ya Elskan?" Goku said with big chibi eyes.

"Yes I mean really it and will you stop calling me Elskan?!"

"Nope!" Goku smiled.

"Kakarrot if you could just stop paying attention to me for 3 seconds you'd see that we're approaching that weirdo's house again."

"You mean Herbert the Pervert?"

"Who the hell is...never mind. It's Princess Snake's house. I hope that bitch isn't home."

"Oh hi! It's you two again!" it was one of Princess Snake's servants Beth. "Would you guys like to play a game of chance?"

"Is it like poker?" asked Goku.

"Well sort of." she pulled out a gun & put it to her head. "First I spin the revolver and just hope one is empty and fire! I ALWAYS win. Better take your bets now gentlemen!"

"She's gonna die."

"Oh boy! Woman blood!" giggled Goku.

"Ok...1,2,3!" BAM! Beth was dead. Goku began playing in her blood while Raditz looked in disgust.

"Oh boy my brother is something stupid." Raditz walked away from the dead body while dragging his brother behind him. "I swear if I get back without losing my sanity, I'm going to become a hermit."

"Then who will I have to love?"

"I don't know. Don't you have a wife?"

"But your my wife..." blushed Goku.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT..." growled Raditz grabbing Goku by his gi.

"UH! UH! Before I say something, I just wanna say you did agree to it!"

"WHAT. DID. YOU. DO. TO. ME."

*Flashback*

**"You know Sonic..."**

**"IT'S RADITZ!"**

**"Whatever. As I was saying, I'll bet King Kai has a bunch of stuff he doesn't want anyone else to know about like that gay porno magazine Bubbles found yesterday."**

**"Really? Huh...I'll bet that's why he's all over me." Raditz said.**

**"Look!" Goku held up a bottle of vodka. "It's vood-ka…that's a funny name…"**

**"That says VODKA you ding-dong." Raditz rolled his eyes. "I'm kinda curious about why he has that stuff…I wonder what it tastes like…"**

**"I don't know, but it tastes AMAZING!" Goku was downing it fast.**

**"Well don't hog it Kakarrot!" Goku passed his brother the bottle.**

**"It's nasty at first then it gets better!"**

**"What are you talking about…" Gregory saw the two saiyans holding the bottle of vodka and stared. "Where did you two get that stuff from?"**

**"It's King Kai stuff!" Goku held it out. "What some?"**

**"No…furthermore, I can't believe you to monsters would actually…" Goku grabbed Greg and shoved the opening of the bottle in Gregory's mouth.**

**"Don't drown the thing!" Raditz took the bottle from Goku.**

**"Ooh ooh aah aah ah!" Bubbles had come into the room.**

**"Maybe Sonic Jr wants some!" Goku grabbed Bubbles and shoved the bottle into his mouth.**

**"Kakarot you are stupider than…" Goku then poured the rest of the vodka into Raditz's mouth.**

**After pouring the stuff into everybody's mouth, Goku starting going through Kai's stuff when he felt a hand touch his shoulder. Turning, he met the eyes of his brother's misty eyes.**

**"Oh hey Sonic!" Goku was about to say something else when Raditz put his finger on his younger brother's lips.**

**"Shhhh…" Raditz smiled shyly. "Goku…"**

**"Huh? Raditz, why do you look so weird?"**

**"Goku…I want you to put your babies inside of me…" he whispered in his brother's ear.**

**"R-really?" Goku was happy that his brother wanted him.**

**"But not now..."**

**"B-b-but why?!"**

**"Cuz…we have to get married first…"**

**"Greg!" Goku pulled the half-drunk cricket to his side. "Marry us or else!"**

**"It's a good thing I'm licensed."**

**"Ooh oh!" Bubbles squeaked. (She needs a dress!)**

**"Bubbles is right. She needs a dress!" said Gregory then pointed to Goku. "And you need a suit…and a ring…"**

**"Sparkle…sparkle…" Raditz said dully.**

**"Um…I know! I think I saw a suit and a dress in here!" Goku turned, on his knees, back to the closet that he was digging through.**

**"Goku…"Raditz pressed his body against his brother's.**

**"Huh honey?" Goku asked without turning.**

**"Do you want a girl or boy?"**

**"A boy."**

**"If it was a girl, would you love us?"**

**"Of course I'd love you!"**

**"…Are we alive yet, honey…"**

**"Uh…Gregory, ask Kai if we're alive yet!"**

**"Uh sure…"**

**Meanwhile King Kai was going over his notes to impress Raditz. "Man…how can Goku impress her, but I can't? Fuck that genius!"**

**"Hey King Kai…are Goku and Raditz alive yet?"**

**"Huh? What? Yeah yeah sure sure…" he went back to his notes.**

**Gregory ran back to Goku and the others to see Raditz making out with Goku.**

**"Uh…um…he said…you're both alive…"**

**"Yeah…yeah…Don't you see we're busy?"**

**"I want this marriage over and done with…" Raditz said boredly yet dully.**

**"Oh right I forgot…" Goku stood up to reveal a neat black suit while Raditz, with his arms in Goku's, stood up with a white sparkly satin dress with the sparkles being made of diamonds and other rare and valuable gems. He kinda looked like a girl with the makeup and jewelry.**

**"WOW." Gregory stared and started to drool. "So…pretty…so…hot…"**

**"Oh no you don't!" Goku punched Greg in the face.**

**"I'm hungry." Raditz had started to walk away when Goku pulled him back and whispered something so perverted even the most perverted person like Master Roshi wouldn't say it. "I can wait."**

**After everyone got into position, Gregory cleared his throat. "Do you Kakarot Goku Son take this lovely young lady as you're bride? To love, honor, protect, respect and other marriage things, and promise to love her in the afterlife?"**

**"I surely do!"**

**"And do you, Sonic Raditz promise to love, honor, protect, respect, and other marriage things, and promise to love him in the afterlife?"**

**"I do…" Raditz started to lean on Goku.**

**"If anyone has any objections against this pairing/couple, speak now or forever hold your peace…"**

**"WHICH YOU'D BETTER HOLD OR YOU'LL BE IN PIECES!" growled Goku.**

**"Uh…I pronounce you husband and wife…you may now kiss the bride…"**

**"Oh yeah!" Goku jumped on Raditz and carried his new wife to their bed.**

***End flashback***

"And that's what happened…" Goku looked at Raditz for any signs of anger.

"I. Will. Kill. You." Raditz chased after Goku while the latter screamed for his mommy.


	10. Chapter 10

'I can't believe I'm married to that idiot now…' Raditz looked at his brother in annoyance. 'I guess I have to bear his children…'

"Hey Pineapp-" Goku stopped when he thought about when Raditz had attacked him when he called him "Pineapplehead". "I mean Son-err Raditz…"

"WHAT…"

"Are you mad at me?"

"No I'm over it now…"

"REALLLY?!" he had sparkles in his eyes.

"Yes I'm mad! First you make a fool out of me, call me Sonic, try to rape me, get me drunk, comment incest with your older brother by marriage, and then…OF ALL THINGS IN THE WORLD…YOU CALL ME PINEAPPLEHEAD!"

"So…I get that hate your nicknames…"

"AAAARGH!"

~Meanwhile~

"I can't believe my dad is coming back!" Gohan was jumping up and down like a hyper squirrel on drugs.

"Will you please stop that!? You're giving me a head ache!" Piccolo couldn't believe that this idiot was almost stronger than his own father.

"Doing what Mr. Piccolo?" Gohan said innocently. Gohan had, with no surprise, gotten the "gay gene" from his father and well…I shouldn't really have to tell you who he has a crush on…

"Oh look there's the bald midget…" Piccolo said driving the conversation to Krillin.

"Hey Krillin!"

"Hey Gohan!" Krillin greeted the young demi-saiyan.

"Wow Krillin! You've gotten a lot stronger since I've seen you last year!"

"Yeah I know! So have you!" then he whispered. "So how was it training under Piccolo for one whole year?"

"Actually, not that bad!"

"You're lying!" he said in disbelief.

"Nope! He isn't that bad if you get to know him!"

"How hard did he hit you for you not to say that?"

Gohan giggled. "You're funny Krillin!"

"No, I'm serious!"

3 hours later, the saiyans plus the rest of the Z warriors (minus Goku and Yamcha) arrived. Before the beginning of many battles, some retarded onlookers arrived at the scene. Gohan didn't understand what was going on, Krillin was happy that girls would see how strong he was, Piccolo wanted to blast the crap out of them, Tien was praying Lunch wouldn't see him, and Chiatzu was hoping he wouldn't do anything stupid, like blow himself up. Nappa thought about how hungry he was and Vegeta was wondering if Raditz was thinking about him and why those idiots were watching.

'I wish Mr. Piccolo would love me...' Gohan sighed.

'I wish I was home.' thought Piccolo.

'I wonder if I'll have fan girls.' thought Krillin.

'I hope Lunch doesn't see me…but then again I do like her nice side…I wonder if there is a way that I can separate her nice side and evil side…' thought Tien.

'I wonder if I can rob a bank…' thought Chiatozu. 'I guess I won't know until I try…that is if I don't die…'

'I wonder if I could out shine that short bald guy in a baldest guy ever competition…' thought Nappa. 'Also…why didn't Vegeta let me eat anything before we came here? I mean…we haven't eaten in weeks, and all he wants is some stupid balls! Heheheh…I said balls...'

'I wonder which one killed Raditz…oh man…I just said her name…if only we had never fought then her and our child would still be here…'

~Meanwhile…~

"I spy with my little eye…"

"A cloud…" Raditz sighed. They had been playing "I spy" for three hours straight and the only thing you could see was the other person beside you, the road, and the strangely orange clouds. Goku had kept describing the clouds.

"You're so smart, Pinneapplehead!" Goku realized his mistake, but he, sadly, was a little too late to take it back. Surprisingly, his brother/wife said nothing. "Um are you ok?"

"Huh? Oh…" he softly punched his brother.

"What's wrong honey?"

"Nothing…just thinking…"

"About what?"

"About how I…oh we're here…"

"Noooooooooooooo!" Goku screamed at the sky err roof.

"Kami get that nut out of here before I sent it to HFIL…"

"Goku! Raditz! You two are here! Quick grab my arm so I can transport you two Earth!"

"FUCK NO!" Goku put his arms around his brother. "We're married!"

Utter silence

"Oh…fuck…" Raditz said with sweetness in his voice.

"I'm…just gonna…grab you two…and just…never mind…" Kami then grabbed the two saiyans and went back to the thingy (the hideout?).

"Thanks for taking us back to Earth!" Goku was holding a depressed Raditz. "Well, tell everyone we're on our way to Hawaii on my sweetheart's hideaway honeymoon…" after getting funny looks from Korin and Mr. Popo. "Ok…ok…MY hideaway honeymoon spot I had for me and Krillin…"(2)

"Um…Goku…you do know that Krillin and Raditz are men…" said Korin.

"I'm married to Raditz!" Goku said cheerfully ignoring Korin.

"Goku…you need to go help the others…" said Kami.

"Do what?! Those bastards ALWAYS need my help! Can't they get Master Roshi or the Ox King? Or maybe even that turtle!"

"But there are other saiyans that have come to save the Earth and you must defeat them to save…"

"WHAT?! RADITZ DO YOU KNOW THEM?" when he nodded Goku gasped. "Competition! I can't believe this mess! You're right! I must protect my love!" With that being said, Goku sped off...with Raditz…

"By the way Mr. Popo…can Earth people marry the same sex?" asked Kami.

"No…I'm afraid not..."(1) responded Mr. Popo.

(1) We're just pretending people of the same sex can't get married.

(2) Goku used to have a crush on Krillin. Story will be up soon(ish).


	11. Chapter 11

As Goku raced to where the fighting was going on, Raditz tossed his cookies on him. Goku saw this and decided to rip off his shirt, when Raditz threw up again. Goku knew that this meant only one thing and on thing only...he was sick.

"Kakarot…"

"Huh?"

"I need to tell you something…"

"What is it?"

"I'm pregnant…"

Goku hit a wall.

* * *

'Man! We're getting OWNED! I wish Goku would hurry up and get here soon…' Krillin thought as he watched Tien get his ass handed to him. "This fight isn't turning out to good…"

"Yeah I know…" said Gohan.

"Do you think we'll be able to hold out until your dad gets here?"

Unknown to Krillin, Gohan was in La-la Land. Gohan was in his own little world as Gohana and Piccolo was his/her lover. They were skipping in a field of flowers when he heard the sound of a thump and saw his beloved Piccolo laying on the ground.

"P-piccolo?" Gohan sniffed and hugged his life-less body. "No no…"

"Gohan are you o-" Krillin was knocked off of his feet by Gohan's angry wails.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gohan then went all Kim Possible on that bitch aka Nappa.

'DAMN! THAT KID IS STRONG!' thought Krillin. 'Nice ass too…wait…what? NO…don't even start thinking of…oh shit…

_**~FLASHBACK~**_

_**"Heeeeeey Kriiiiiilliiiiin!" 12 year old Goku giggled.**_

_**Krillin sighed. "What do you want Goku?"**_

_**"THIS!" Goku kissed Krillin and started to rub on Krillin's butt.**_

_**"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Krillin yelled pushing Goku off of him.**_

_**"Showing that I wanna make you feel good so you'll love me!"**_

_**"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU LEARN THAT?! FROM ONE OF ROSHI'S PORN TAPES?!"**_

_**"No…I saw Bulma do that to Master Roshi!"**_

_**"Huh? Really?"**_

_**"Yeah! I taped it!" Goku ran off. On his way out Krillin got a perfect look at Goku's butt.**_

_**"Nice ass..." said Krillin.**_

_**"REALLY?!" Goku said grinning.**_

_**"…" Krillin and Goku stared at each other. "Just go get the damn tape…"**_

_**~END FLASHBACK~**_


	12. Chapter 12

"You're-you're pregnant?" Goku said shocked.

"No…I'm just gaining weigh…DUH YOU FOOL!" Raditz took off his armor to reveal his plump little baby bump…well, actually it was pretty big. The armor was just doing a good job hiding it.

"DAMN! IF I WAS STUPID, I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU SWALLOWED A WATERMELON!" Goku stared at his wife's baby bump.

"Damn thing…I've been carrying for the whole 3 months we were running back on Snake Way..."

"How come you didn't tell me?"

"I really didn't want to tell you… but then I saw the wall and well…I just wanted you to hit it…" Raditz laughed. After spending three minutes laughing and teasing Goku, Raditz then asked, "So what are doing when we get to Napa and Vegeta?"

"A spicy cabbage? Sounds good compared the King Kai's cooking!"

"No you dunce! I mean the two saiyans Napa and Prince Vegeta!" Raditz crossed his arms.

"Oh yeah! Them! So…um…how do they look?"

"Why would you care?" asked Raditz. After Goku gave him the good old 'Do it or I'll kick your ass!' look, Raditz sighed. "Well Napa is really the tallest…"

"Meh…"

"…and bald…"

"BINGO! I don't need to hear any more about baldy! Tell me about the spice now!"

~Meanwhile~

"Huh?"

"What's wrong now Napa?" Vegeta rolled his eyes.

"Someone just insulted me AND my awesome hair!"

"You don't HAVE any hair you ass wipe!"

~Meanwhile~

"Tell me about that other saiyan."

"Oh Vegeta?"

"Yeah the spice!"

"Well he's a prince of our race…"

"I'ma blast that fool!" Goku said pulling out a gun.

"Where'd you get that…"

"Raditz, you look after yourself and our son while I go fix them fuckers!"

"Where are you going?" asked Raditz holding his belly as his baby kicked (I forget if you can feel your baby kick that early).

"TO KILL VEGETA!" Goku flew off.

~1 hour later~

Goku had his eyes set on the battle field. Gohan was getting his ass handed to him, Krillin was staring at Gohan's ass, Napa was about to step on Gohan, and Vegeta was looking bored. Suddenly Goku jumped on Napa and beat the crap out of him.

"TOUCH MY WIFE AGAIN AND I'LL MURDER YOUR ASS!"

"We wouldn't want to touch your aids ridden wife!"

"RADITZ DOESN'T HAVE ANY AIDS YOU SKANK!"

It got quiet.

"What?" said Napa.

Suddenly, being the closest thing to Vegeta, he was thrown into the air and blasted.

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?"

"Raditz is pregnant with my baby and she is my wife!"

"I don't believe you!"

"LOOK AND WEEP, BITCH!" Goku then handed Vegeta a picture…a VERY naughty picture…of Goku and Raditz doing the nasty. Vegeta growled.

"You filthy little third class monkey!" Vegeta said bearing his teeth.

"You're just as much a monkey as I am!" Goku pouted.

"HOW DARE YOU…YOU…YOU…"

"WHAT!?"

"BIG HEADED DOO-DOO FUNK MONSTER!" Vegeta said childishly.

"What are you? Three?" said Krillin.

"STAY OUT OF THIS BALDY!" Vegeta said throwing a Ki blast at Krilin.

"Yo Goku!"

'Huh?!' Goku looked around.

"It's me! King Kai!"

'King Kai? Never heard of him.'

"You've got to be fuckin' kiddin' me…wait let me but Bubbles on the line…"

"Ooh ooh!"

Goku gasped. 'SONIC JR.!? OH THAT KING KAI! IS THAT OLD UMPA LUMPA TAKING CARE OF YOU?!'

"There's no need to yell, you ass!"

'Whatever…now what do you want?'

"It's not a good idea to fight Vegeta where you're at."

'Why?'

"You don't want your friends to look like zombies when they come back to life."

'I really don't care about any of them to tell you the truth…'

"Well how about this fun fact!" said King Kai annoyed with Goku's tone. "THEY WILL BE SO UGLY THAT SONIC'S BABY WILL BE BORN A GIRL!"

'OH NO! THAT'S HORRI-wait…how did you know about Sonic's baby…'

"…"

'…'

"Just go fight Vegeta…" the blue kai then clicked off.

'King Kai! King Kai!" Goku growled irritated. 'Jack ass.'

"Are we fighting or wha-"Goku watched in confusion as Vegeta was looking at Gohan really funny.

"Um…why are you looking at me all funny?"

"Because I love you Raditz…" Vegeta got closer to Gohan, making their noses touch. (1)

"OH MY GOD! HE'S A PEDOPHILE!" screamed Krillin.

"Let's go pedobear…" Goku said pulling Vegeta away from Gohan.

* * *

(1) The reason why Vegeta is staring at Gohan as if he's Raditz is because if you look closely at Gohan's long hair, it's kind of like Raditz's hair. Say what you want, but I think that both Gohan and Raditz both got the gene that made their hair look the same. Goten just got the gene to make his hair look like Goku's Bardock. I believe that Gohan's hair would have looked like Raditz's if he hadn't cut it…well actually Chichi made him cut it…but that's another chapter for another day…


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks for sticking around! Remember, review and favorite me!

* * *

"Krillin…"

"Huh?" Gohan turned Krillin's head from his ass. "Oh what is it Gohan?"

"Do you think I'm attractive?" before Krillin could say something Gohan said, "In a non-pedophilic way is what I'm asking…"

"Sure! But you'll never…and I mean **NEVER**…be as attractive as Piccolo!"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!" Krillin was getting a stare that could have killed thousands.

"Piccolo is ugly?" Krillin said confused and scared.

"TAKE THAT BACK ABOUT MY PICCOLO!"

"I mean…uh…WHAT DO WANT ME TO SAY?!"

* * *

"Okay now we're alone…now what's the deal with you and my Raditz?" Goku asked.

"He's mine thats what the deal is!" Vegeta growled.

"Well he is mine now! I'll bit him in the neck like all of those other fanfics say that you have to do to claim a mate!"

"Well that's false thank you very much! Now die Kakarot!"

For three hours straight, Goku and Vegeta fought. By the time that the battle ended, the events that happened was that Vegeta wanted to be a big fat cheater and turn into a monkey and go ape on Goku (pun intended). Luckily for them, Yarirobe (I know I spelled that wrong, but I'm too lazy to look it up.) showed his hungry ass up and saved Goku and the others (Krillin and Gohan).

"YAY! WE DID IT!" cheered Krillin and Gohan.

"GO US! GO US!" cheered Goku.

"But what about…?"

"SHUT UP YOU FAT SACK OF LARD!"

"Ok…" the fat lard left.

Suddenly Vegeta landed and tried to crawl away. Goku saw this and started to yell out, "KILL IT! KLL IT!"

"I GOT THIS!" Krillin grabbed Fatty's sword and started to kill Vegeta.

Vegeta saw Krillin coming and decided to do something dangerous and something that would be pride hurting if he failed. He kissed the bald monk and he actually liked it…and the bald man even more. He had never even been kissed back that sweetly. Krillin, meanwhile, was caught off guard by the kiss and dropped the sword. Vegeta tried to run his fingers through Krillin's hair, as you all know Krillin has NO hair, so the prince just patted his head and rubbed his lower part…his waist.

"You wouldn't kill me would you Krillin?" Vegeta said with his eyes filled with lust.

"Uh…" Krillin blushed. No one had even looked at him in the same way that Vegeta was looking at him now. "Sure?"

"Thank you…" Vegeta stood up and walked to the pod he had called up. "And don't worry…I'll be back for you soon…" Vegeta kissed Krillin on the cheek.

"Uh…okay…" Krillin touched his cheek. It felt good. Suddenly, it stung like hell.

"What the hell?!" Goku yelled at him.

"What did I do?" Krillin whined.

"Let him go!" everyone yelled at him.

"Okay I'm here now…" Raditz was panting. More or less because he was pregnant. "Did you kill them?"

"NO! Well I did _cause _Napa's death…but DORKY HERE JUST HAD TO GET SOME ASS WITH VEGETA!"

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW WE HADN'T HAD SEX YET!"

"YET! YOU SAID YET!" gasped Gohan.

"Well I um…" Krillin looked away. "Well what are you going to do about Chichi?"

"Yeah what are you going to do about mom?" Gohan said to his father.

"She'll deal with it just like Launch had to deal with Master Roshi's affair with Bulma." Goku said as Raditz picked him up.

Everyone started laughing.

"But how is it going to affect me?" Gohan whined.

"Like I care!" Goku then kissed Raditz on the lips. "Now my love! On to our honeymoon!"

Sighing, Raditz picked up the rest of them, except Little Fatty (you know who I'm talking about.).

~Two hours later~

Goku had woke up expecting Raditz to be beside him, but instead saw Gohan, who was in a hospital bed. As a matter of fact, he was in one.

"WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING IN A HOSPITAL BED?!"

"You needed to be in a hospital, dumbass." said Raditz boredly.

"Whatever." Raditz sighed as Master Roshi entered the room.

"Hey Goku…nice ass Gohan…"

"Raditz…punch him…" Raditz punched him, not because Goku told him so, but because some old men make creepy pedophiles.

* * *

And that's the end of Alternate DBZ. I'll make a second one, but may or may not take place in the Frieza saga. I'm thinking it should take place when Gohan goes to High School and meets Videl. If I do make it then it will not feature Gohan x Videl. I don't like the pairing alot, but I don't like the fact that Videl was the only one choice I liked for Gohan.


End file.
